But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
