Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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