I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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