I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
