Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
