guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
