I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
