Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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