it wasn't lemon gatorade
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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