I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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