Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
