just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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