How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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