Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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