she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
