What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
