She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
