i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
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Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
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What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
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