so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Farmville is her only friend.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
