New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
