I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
