She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
