I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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