So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
