All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
