yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
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It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
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I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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