very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
