They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
