New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
