So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
