a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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