my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
