i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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