im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
