if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
