i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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