I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
