so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
BRING THE BAGELS
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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