I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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