The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
