yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
