Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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