Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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