At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
