Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
