Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize