I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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