And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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