She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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