Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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