I CAN MOONWALK!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
