if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dick very happy bro
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
