I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
