searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
