I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
