Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
