saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
