I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
