Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
