Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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