The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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