you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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