i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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