It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I can't turn off my feet"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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