perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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