he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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