and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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