I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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