I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
