i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
