She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize