Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
